Written by Jon Ebert
An Unprecedented New Normal
COVID 19 has forced the world to social distance, or isolate, from friends and family. This can be difficult for those of us without a mental health condition; for the nearly 6.3 million children aged 3-17 with diagnosed depression and anxiety and the millions more who haven’t been formally diagnosed but are still impacted by symptoms, this can be extremely trying, even dangerous.
Knowing the signs of mental health distress, helpful tips for time of quarantine, and long-term practices for youth mental health are essential as you support your child during these unprecedented times and beyond.
This blog and quick guide infographic are designed to help you with a starting point.
What to Look For
The day-by-day (and sometimes hour-by-hour) changes to the COVID 19 crisis can have all of us, not just our children, on edge. Uncertainty is a breeding ground for anxiety and depression. It’s important to understand the signs to look for in ourselves and our children in order to begin to work towards a healthy mindset and home.
This list is by no means exhaustive, but it is a snapshot of possible behaviors to look for in your child that may be experiencing distress related to anxiety or depression.
- Excessive worrying or fear
- Feeling excessively sad or low
- Extreme mood changes, including uncontrollable “highs” or feelings of euphoria
- Prolonged or strong feelings of irritability or anger
- Changes in sleeping habits or feeling tired and low energy
- Changes in eating habits such as increased hunger or lack of appetite
- Excessive clinging
- Multiple physical ailments without obvious causes (such as headaches, stomach aches, vague and ongoing “aches and pains”)
- Thinking about suicide
- Inability to carry out daily activities or handle daily problems and stress
For additional resources on anxiety and coping with the Corona Virus, visit the Child Mind Institute.
Remember, you know your child best. Many of these signs are normal ways of processing change but can become more. It is also wise to understand that your own levels of worry and anxiety can be inadvertently passed on by how you are processing the current events.
5 Quick Tips for Managing Anxiety Levels in Your Home
1. Stick with the facts (and turn off the news): Find 1 credible source and stick with it. Don’t constantly watch the news.
2. Stay Connected: It’s important to not only be physically connected with those in your household but also connect with other loved ones outside of your home. Eat meals together. Schedule family game/movie time. Facetime, schedule regular phone calls or online interactions with others outside of the home are also great ways to stay connected.
3. Establish a routine: The more kids know what to expect the safer they feel. Routines like getting up and dressed in the morning, working on school assignments at specific times during the day, having free time, etc. help with feelings of control.
4. Get outside: Fresh air, vitamin D, change of scenery, and being able to release some pent up physical and emotional energy are all great for kids and adults.
5. Focus on what is positive and what you can control: Attention parents: your kids will follow your lead. Be sure to remain positive. Perspective is important! You’re NOT STUCK at home, rather you’re SAFE at home. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Your kids can remember this as a scary time where they couldn’t go anywhere or a time where the family stayed home and found new ways to have fun.
VICTORY Methodology for Long-Term Healthy Processing
At Blue Refuge, we are passionate about youth mental health and have developed a methodology for processing life’s peaks and valleys as a part of our overarching framework for schools called VICTORY.
Each letter stands for a milestone on the “journey” to victory. We describe it as a journey because life is a journey with various ups (peaks) and downs (valleys). Each one of us travels our own journey, and we participate in other’s journeys as well.
It is simple, easy to remember, and provides context for the critical social and emotional learning that is so vital to mental health for all. Let’s walk through this methodology in the context of the COVID 19 crisis and helping children navigate their thoughts and feelings.
V is for Viewpoint: Seeing the external world as it is, not as it is presented. Recognize that your kids may have a different viewpoint about this event. Seek to understand how they are interpreting what they are seeing and hearing. Discuss what is going on with them according to their age and ability to understand.
I is for Inner Self: Accepting ourselves without judgment. Parents need to recognize how they may be internalizing what is going on. How they are interpreting the pandemic and the feelings it creates. Manage your emotions so you can manage your child’s.
Meet your child’s view without judgment or invalidation. Emotions are real, even if the notion behind them are skewed. This gives them a strong sense of inner-self.
C is for Connections: The key: “shared struggle” with others. Be intentional about spending time with those in your household (meals, games, outdoor play, etc.) as well as those who are outside of your home (Facetime, email, online gaming, etc) as mentioned before. Connections remind us that we are not going through this alone.
T is for Trajectory: “Stacking wins” and learning from defeats. Many of us became homeschool teachers overnight with no training or guidance. Focus on the small wins for YOU and YOUR CHILD. It’s all about baby steps. You won’t do every lesson perfectly or know every answer, and they won’t always respond rightly to their new learning environment or teacher. That’s ok. Keep moving forward.
O is for Others: Give back to share in other’s struggles. Provide help to and receive help from others. Today’s technology allows us to do this. We are all in this together. There are online forums, support groups, and tons of other free resources at our disposal. Discuss ways to “give” even through trial. Write notes for classmates to encourage them or share resources with a neighbor in need.
R is for Resiliency: becoming impervious to obstacles. The end result of this unprecedented event will, in large part, be remembered by how we weathered the storm and not the storm itself. Opportunities for families to come together, for communities to help their own, and for heroes to rise to the challenge exist and will be achieved. Recognize obstacles, work together to overcome them, and celebrate the results. Even positive outcomes can come from defeat - perseverance, strength, new strategies…
Y is for You!
You must be active in your own journey and present in your child’s. But all of that does not happen to you – it takes intentionality.You have control of how you will respond to this challenge. This is a call to action for each of us. You’ve got this! You can create a safe place for your children. You are the one that your child will remember being with them during this challenging time.
If you found this resource valuable, you may be interested to read about teacher mental health during COVID-19.
Additional Resources:
Infographic - Your Child’s Mental Health During COVID 19
For more resources on Mental Illness: National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
For more resources on Youth Mental Illness & Learning Disorders: Child Mind Institute
